According to Jesus, forgiving others is a necessary condition to receiving answers to our prayers. In his parable about the unforgiving servant, he warns that failure to forgive from the heart carries a high price tag: we’ll be turned over to torturers.
We experience great loss when we do not realize how our unforgiveness affects us on every level of our being: physical health, psychological well-being, and spiritual life.
1. Hinders our relationship with God
The Scriptures make it clear that when we do not forgive others, it will hinder our ability to love God and know His presence within us.
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. The one who does not love, does not know God, for God is love (I John 4:7-8).
2. Cuts off flow of God’s life within us
Chronic anger, hostility, and hatred clog up and cut off the flow of God’s life within us. The roar of emotions easily overpowers the small, delicate keen motions of the spirit, and gradually the accumulation of negative emotions can cut off our sensitivity to the voice of the Spirit of God.
3. Obstructs God’s healing grace
When we do not go to God and receive His grace for the wrongs done against us, the unforgiveness turns inward, becomes deep-seated, and bitterness becomes rooted in our heart. We are warned of this in the Bible:
See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up cause trouble and by it many be defiled (Hebrews 12:15).
Psychiatrist M. Scott Peck recognized “the existence of a powerful force originating outside of human consciousness which nurtures our spiritual growth.” He found grace to be a very common phenomenon which many clients rejected.
St. Paul understood the power of grace when he wrote: “… those who receive the abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ” (Romans 5:17).
According to Strong’s Concordance, grace refers to divine influence acting upon the heart and manner of life. The work of Jesus Christ on the cross has opened the doorway for us to enter into the throne room of God and receive an abundance of grace for all our hurts and wounds.
4. Grieves the Holy Spirit
Not only does unforgiveness open us to the domain of darkness but according to St. Paul it also grieves the Holy Spirit:
… do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God … Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has forgiven you (Ephesians 4:30-32).
As you consider forgiveness, it is vital to seek the Holy Spirit’s help: “When He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all truth” (John 16:13).
The Holy Spirit will make you aware of who you need to forgive and empower you to do the impossible, to forgive from your heart. Remember, it was the Holy Spirit who enabled Jesus to say, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).
◊ My encounter with grace
Many years ago I had an experience with God’s grace I never forgot. At the time I was very angry with my husband. Actually I was stuck in my anger, not able to let go of it. Suddenly I felt my anger begin to dissipate, but I resisted—I wanted to stay angry.
In that moment, the Lord spoke to me: “If you resist my grace now, you will not receive it again.” This got my attention! Immediately I repented and received God’s grace and allowed it to flow into my heart, and my anger left.
Since then I’ve learned to treasure grace and rely upon it. When I’m stuck in my feelings of anger and unforgiveness, I more quickly cry out, “Lord, I am helpless to get out of this; please send me Your grace.”
Lord, I value the Presence of Your Holy Spirit indwelling me. I do not want to grieve Your Spirit! Please bring into my awareness any resentment and anger buried in my heart. I cannot do it, but I thank You that You can and are willing to do this for me.