Some years ago I realized I was holding unforgiveness against my mother. Her sin? Failing to call me by my name and see me as an individual, separate from her.

Most of the time she’d call me by my younger sister’s name. This bothered me, even though I also do it to my children. A few hours before she died, I said to her, “I love you, Mom.” Her only response was, “I love all of you children.” I held these offenses against her for years.

When the Lord finally opened my eyes, I forgave her. That very night I dreamed:

Mom was lying dead in her bed. Suddenly she opened her eyes and looked straight at me. Her eyes fill with love as a tear ran down her cheek. Then she closed her eyes and was gone again.

I awoke feeling great joy—I was loved and seen by my mother (from I Forgive You: How Heart-Based Forgiveness Sets You Free, Judith A. Doctor).

Called to bless others

All of us are affected by the emotional support given, or withheld, by our families. We need their blessing. A blessing offers the message: “You are loved. You are wanted. You are precious. You are important.” But some parents are unable to give this blessing—perhaps they never received it themselves.

When we bless someone, we are honoring them through our acts or words. We may invoke a wish for their good will and happiness, God’s favor to be on them, or say something good about them that we are thankful for.

We can see this spiritual principle in the Bible:

• Moses tells Aaron to bless the sons of Israel: “You shall say to them: ‘The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance on you and give you peace’” (Numbers 6:24-25).
• When Rebekah left home to become Isaac’s wife, her family gave her this blessing: “May you, our sister, become thousands of ten thousands, and may your descendants possess the gate of those who hate them” (Genesis 24:60).
• Just before Isaac died, he blessed his son Jacob, saying, “May God give you the dew of heaven, and of the fatness of the earth, and an abundance of grain and new wine…” (Genesis 27:28).
• In the Gospels, we see Jesus blessing the children. We also see him blessing his disciples before He departed from them.
• In the Epistles, St. Peter instructs us to bless the people who hurt us: “not return evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for this very purpose that you might inherit a blessing” (1 Peter 3:9).

Interestingly, St. Peter links our receiving a blessing from God to our willingness to bless the people who hurt us—this includes our mother and father.

Honor our father and mother

The fifth commandment of Moses implies that life will go well for us in every area in which we honor our parents. This commandment is so significant that it is repeated twice in the New Testament, once by Jesus, then St. Paul.

1. For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother,’ and ‘He who speaks evil of father or mother, let him be put to death’— Matthew 15:4).

 

2. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with you, and that you may live along lie on the earth— Ephesians 6:2-3.

Inner healing pioneers, John and Paula Sandford, suggest that failure to honor our parents is at “the root of every marital problem, every child-raising dilemma, and every moral and immoral inclination.” Judgments we made as children against our parents can cause darkness within us and, affecting our future relationships (The Transformation of the Inner Man).

He who curses his father or his mother, his lamp will go out in the time {pupil of the eye} of darkness—Proverbs 20:20.

Making judgments against our parents and holding them in our heart will darken our inner lamps, blocking our ability to see clearly ourselves, our parents, and even God. Also it will cause our hearts to harden and turn to stone, making us unable to be tenderhearted and extend mercy.

Make peace with your mother

In 1994, I wrote in my journal:

There is something about a mother that stirs us deep inside. It reveals some of our deepest longings to be loved, accepted, cherished, knowing someone is there for us. But when she is not, we are hurt, confused, and angry.

 

I see clearly how important ‘mothering’ is. Yet I see that she cannot be everything to us; she was never meant to be. She cannot be God for us.

This Mother’s Day take the burden off your mother. Make peace with her. Accept her as she is. Forgive her for what she did or did not do—if the blood of Jesus is enough for her failures.

Thank her for giving you life. Think about what intangible gift/s your mother might have given you—for me it is her kindness and hospitality.

Then /bless her by saying something good about her. Or if she is gone, then write a letter to her.

I Bless All Mothers Today

This blessing is intended to enable you to make contact with the Heavenly Father. As His ambassador, mother in the body of Christ, I will ask Him to stretch out His hand and to touch and heal your broken heart.

I am called to fulfill the law of Christ my loving others. We are called friends of Jesus, friends cover with love and bear one another’s burdens (1 Peter. 4:8; Galatians 6:1-2; 2 Timothy 2:23-26). And Paul said to Timothy: “my true child in the faith” (1 Timothy 12).

Read the words as if they were your Heavenly Father speaking to you, because if your Mother had been able to say these words, she would have said them to you.

Mother’s affirmation

As your sister and spiritual mother I stand today in the stead of your mother, I stand in for your pain. What your mother could not or would not say because of issues in her life, I will say, and you will hear the things in your heart. I take responsibility as a sister. Hear now these words in your heart, as I speak them:

• I love you. You are so beautiful to me. You are my wonderful child.
• I was so glad when you were born.
• I am proud of you. I have loved you. You are a good daughter.
• I am so proud to be your mother.

I ask you to forgive me…

1. For not telling you how much I loved you and showing it.
2. For not hugging you and holding you so you would know how much you were loved.
3. For my silence. I am so sorry for my silence; it confused you and injured you and for using silence to punish you.
4. For not allowing you to talk to me when you needed to, for ignoring you.
5. For abusing you, emotionally, psychologically, or physically.
6. For not keeping you safe.
7. For not protecting you.
8. For not letting you know how proud I was of you.
9. For not seeing you.
10. For criticizing you and for always telling you the things you did wrong.
11. For not telling you that you are gifted and talented.

I invite you to respond by saying,

• Mother, I forgive you.

Give thanks to God & open yourself to his blessing

Heavenly Father, I now open myself to receive your blessing in every way you want to impart it to me.

Thank you Jesus that you live within me. I choose to forgive my Mother and to let of my anger and judgements against her.

Holy Spirit, I open my heart and mind to you. Reveal to me the blessings that Jesus has obtained for me and how I may receive them. Amen

Now fill your heart with God’s truths and thanksgiving. Begin to praise God and thank Him for His power, goodness, love, etc. It is helpful to read in the Psalms and pray them aloud. Here are two examples:

1. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget none of His benefits; Who pardons all your iniquities; who heals all your diseases; who redeems your life from the pit…you satisfies your years with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle (Psalms 103:2-5).

2. I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul shall make its boast in the Lord; the humble shall hear it and rejoice. O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together (Psalms 34:1-3).