Five Destructive Results of Unforgiveness

In the Gospels, Jesus Christ links forgiving others to answered prayers and well-being. And he warns that if we do not forgive from the heart, we will open ourselves to torturers—the domain of Satan.

Recognizing the danger of unforgiveness, we need to consider the relationship of anger, resentment, and bitterness to our very real and practical life problems.

Unforgiveness leads to torture

In his teaching on forgiveness, Jesus tells a story about the revengeful servant who has a man who owes him money thrown into prison, even though the servant had been forgiven his own debt (Matthew 18:21-35).

When hearing of his behavior, the lord summons him and says, “You wicked slave; I forgave you all that debt because you entreated me. Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, even as I had mercy on you?” And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him.

Then Jesus says, “So shall My heavenly Father also do to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.”

In this parable, Jesus establishes the reality that unforgiveness carries a high price tag: torture! Scientific research has verified the destructive influence unforgiveness has on our well-being. Here are some consequences of unforgiveness on our physical health, mental and emotional health, and intimate relationships.

1. Affects our health

It is well-established that most physical sicknesses have an emotional component. Over two-thirds of hospital beds are occupied by patients who are put there because of their inability to organize and discipline their emotions. It is estimated that fifty to seventy-five percent of patients are sick because of the influence of thought patterns and emotions upon their physical bodies.

Negative emotions like anger and resentment take a great toll on our bodies. Studies have demonstrated a strong relationship between hostility and heart disease, and also with other diseases like ulcers, gastritis, cancer, and colitis. Research also shows that chronically angry people die at a younger age than non-hostile people.

2. Blocks our physical & emotional healing

When Jesus healed the man at the pool of Bethsaida, he made a direct relationship between sin and sickness. He told the man to not sin anymore (John 5:1-9).

Catholic psychologist Charles Zeiders found that unforgiveness acts as a barrier to healing deep psychological wounds in his clients. Former Catholic priest Francis MacNutt says he has come to see “how intimately the forgiveness of sins is connected with bodily and emotional healing. They are not separate. In fact, far from being a sign of God’s blessing, much physical sickness is a direct sign that we are not right with God or our neighbor.”

MacNutt found that many sins do not block God’s healing power to the same extent as does a lack of forgiveness: “I understand better than I used to why Jesus laid such a heavy stress on forgiving enemies when he talked about prayer … He often seems to connect forgiving enemies with our Father answering our prayers.”

3. Poisons our personality

As I listen to people, I often hear echoes of buried resentments and anger from long ago. At the time, their anger may have been righteously appropriate, but because they failed to forgive, their anger turned inward and became deep-seated. Their personality became poisoned by the entangled roots of bitterness anchored in their hardened hearts. When they speak, their words are sharp and biting, inflicting pain on the people around them.

See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled (Hebrews 12:15).

Something eaten that is bitter leaves a biting, stinging, disagreeable sensation in the mouth. It’s the same with bitterness in the heart; it causes all of life to taste bitter. We find little joy in living life and we infect others with our bitterness

4. Closes off intimate relationships

Chronic anger has been proven to damage interpersonal relationships, causing loneliness and loss of social support. Unresolved anger is a key issue in failing marriages. Couples with high levels of hostility have more destructive communications. People who cannot resolve their anger tend to turn away from intimate relationships and lose passion.

5. Causes personality disintegration & confusion

Many negative emotions can paralyze and debilitate us because they produce an unhealthy spiritual and mental condition. They clog up normal sources of emotional, spiritual and intellectual power. We become bogged down by resentment, fear, guilt, and our emotional ills turn in upon ourselves and sap our energy.

When negative emotions such as grudges, ill-will, anger and irritation accumulate to a certain weight, our personality can’t support them and it gives way. So we say, “I’m going to pieces, falling apart, getting upset, or flying to pieces.” This describes a threatened state of imbalance or disintegration.

Seek the Holy Spirit’s help

As you consider problems in your life, it is vital to seek the Holy Spirit’s help. The Holy Spirit will bring to your attention who you need to forgive. The Spirit of God will empower you to do the impossible, to forgive from your heart.

Lord, I acknowledge my complete reliance on the Holy Spirit as I consider the words of Jesus about forgiveness. I give you permission to reveal all unforgiveness, resentment, bitterness, and hatred buried deep in my heart.